Our Letter to the Court and Community

My name is Susan Barich. I live in Santa Cruz. I am 56 years old, and I run a technology business incubator for the city of Marina near Monterey where we assist start-up businesses. I am the mother of Alex Baer who was killed in August in Santa Barbara as the passenger of a vehicle driven by Jessica Binkerd. Jessica is now before the court on felony charges. She will soon be sentenced.

Since Alex’s death I wear his watch to work every day. I wear his sweatshirt in the evenings. I can still smell him on his sweatshirt. I keep his desk chair in my office. It has his DNA on it. Some days, in honor of his wacky and improvisational sense of humor, I wear the silly, sparkly party shirt I gave him for Christmas. I wear his jeans horseback riding. They’re long enough to fit over my boots. The waist fits me perfectly. I wear his cap out in the sun. Pictures of Alex loop continuously on both of my computer screens. Alex with his sister at my parents’ 60th wedding anniversary party; Alex conversing with the wooden statues of old men on the front porch of the Ulapalakua store; Alex and his dog, Sadie. The boys tell me his bike is a junker, but I can’t quite part with it. There has always been a special place in my heart for my boys’ bicycles. A boy’s bike represents his going out into the world. How he makes his way. How he gets to where he has decided he wants to go.

Some days I stand in my closet and scream. I fear the police will come. The songs I love reduce me to sobbing in my car or blubbering in the bathtub. Alex will never live that love song now. Tears streamed down my cheeks all through the Shamu Show at Sea World. In the night I imagine his last moment of consciousness, panic and a sudden impact as his breath is blown from him by the crush of a Lexus.

As pitiful and incredibly saddened as I am by Alex’s death, the only time I feel angry and helpless is when I think of further suffering imposed by this horrible accident. I feel angry and helpless when I think that Jessica Binkerd, who must shoulder for the rest of her life the responsibility for Alex’s death, may suffer further at the hands of our justice system. As a parent and as a human being, my heart breaks for Jessica. She has been given the nearly unbearable to bear.

This is Alex and Jessica’s tragedy. It is they who have truly suffered. The two of them worked together at Deveraux caring for autistic children. Although I do not know Jessica, her work with these children tells me that, like Alex, she is an unusually talented and giving person. Should we throw that away? Should we impose a penalty that ensures she will never use those talents to make our community a better place? Jessica completed a 4-year program at the University of California by the age of 22. That tells me she’s not a drunk.

It is my belief, and the belief of Alex’s family and friends, that the car crash that took Alex’s life was an accident, regardless of the circumstances. Had Jessica not been drinking, it may have been avoided, but it may not have been. The cars may still have stopped too quickly in front of her for her to stop. We have all come extremely close to the rear end of another car in the case of a quick stop.

Be that as it may, it does not matter any more. What matters now is how we, as the elders of our culture and our community, handle the future of a young woman who made a mistake. We hold her in our hands. Do we keep her down or lift her up? Will it be destructive to our community and society to send a message of compassion? I think not. Have we, as a generation, crammed our kids into an intolerable society of laws, as my sister put it? What is OUR responsibility for this tragic epidemic of drinking among our children? Let us, with forgiveness, love and compassion, guide our culture down a new road that shows our children that we value them, so they don’t feel they have to drink to have fun.

I have spoken with several of Alex’s close friends, with his brothers and his sister, with his aunts, uncles, cousins, his grandparents, and his father and step-father. We concur. Without in any way excusing drunk driving, we ask for leniency for Jessica. We ask for a judicial finding that is appropriate to the contribution that Jessica Binkerd could make to our society if we give her the opportunity. We ask that the Court allow us to express compassion, forgiveness, understanding and love toward her and her family. We ask that she be able to tell us that she is sorry, and that we can have the grace to offer her forgiveness. We ask that she be allowed to create something as powerful and beautiful with her life as this tragedy has been bleak and horrific. We ask that this accident not be allowed to cause more loss. Our society, our culture, our community need Jessica Binkerd to build her life’s work around helping and preserving other young people, around saving lives. Her life’s work, which is now defined by a mistake in a moment that killed a friend and colleague.We believe that the fact that Jessica will have to bear the burden of California’s strike laws and felony convictions for the rest of her life, that these will inform and define the rest of her life, and her knowledge that she is responsible for Alex’s death, comprise sufficient punishment without adding prison. We recommend probation and community service.

Thank you,Susan Barich and Family